First up let’s blow the word midwife back out of the reduced definition it has become; back out of the notion that it is a profession that a few have qualified to do and into the fact that every woman is a midwife, it is an innate purpose in us all… to live, work, breathe the fact that we are never alone, that our true nature is to adore, behold and cherish all. It is the explosion of true sisterhood (not exclusive to women to women by the way) and the powerful opposite of how the current model of life has had us moving in competition, comparison and judgement of one another; a foul attempt to arrest the magnitude of women working together, beholding all, upholding unshakeable standards in relationships, family and society and adoring like there is no tomorrow.
Even in our dictionaries we touch on the word midwife being more than the profession of attending to a woman during birth, hinting at the enormity of the word, saying that a midwife is someone who helps to bring things about, to develop and create. A reductionism still, but an opportunity to see beyond what we have been taught.
So this collaborative piece of writing, contributed to by women the world over, is a celebration of women and a return to the true qualities we embody and are beautifully responsible for upholding for all. There is no gender agenda, it is with great reverence for men that women come back into their grandness and walk alongside men in the joy and chutzpah of our unifying work together.
Whilst giving birth to my second daughter I sensed the grand intelligence of the female body… it knew what to do without question and I trusted my body. My sense extended to every mother that had ever birthed and it was like I had joined them. A feeling of being united with all mothers, in reverence with and to them, connecting to the amazingness of all women that had birthed before and humbled by this immenseness. I sensed the beauty of my own mother, finally there was something to be truly revered, giving birth was a grand equaliser.
Our men and our children, each other… how revered, loved, adored and nurtured are we all by us as women?
There is so much in the world that puts men down, subtly and not so subtly, never allowing them in to the supposed inner sanctum of womanhood. We complain about the lack of consideration, care, love and intimacy we receive, wanting love to look a certain way, ways in which society dictates it to be.
The feminist movement has done us a great disservice, and before this there was the dominance of men over women for centuries. Both an imposition and a lie, both nothing more than a giant flip flop along the line of ‘equality’ from one extreme to another, all this has done is create a perpetuating separateness between us. Never has there been a meeting in the middle where no degree of separation lies.
The only true difference at birth is gender, and from that difference every one of us, whether a boy or a girl at birth has been shaped to be ‘something’ by our families, their families, those who came before us, by our schooling, and on into adulthood, friends, workplaces, relationships. Shaped, moulded and spat out to cope as best we can, denuded of our true delicacy, sensitivity and understanding of love in its purest form.
Love is not a doing word, it is a being word and it is exquisitely simple to live and be.
In years gone by I was of the ilk of ‘bloody men’ and many things happened in my marriage to confirm this… but why? Was it because the man was incapable of love? Was it because I had no experience of what love truly was myself?
I was equally hardened, and expressed from that hardness, creating a wall of ideals, beliefs, no less than the fortification he had also built on his side made up of the many ideals and beliefs he was brought up with and into.
‘Don’t hug in front of the boy.’ What? Do you mean bring him up absent of the reflection of tenderness so that he will never know the warmth of gentle touch and love? Never have access to a simple way to be? That he will shut it down as has been the statistical norm for ages, to be safe, but safe from what? As it turns out, it appears we have been trying to protect ourselves from the natural interaction of and with love. How crazy to try and make oneself safe from love… when actually love is a foundational and transformative feature of being human.
As women we have the joyful responsibility of turning this around; restoring us to the natural standards of living and relationships that we all have. We have the power to allow our sacredness to be seen, accessed and lived. In the living of it, it becomes an unshakeable known that can be relied upon. It becomes an absoluteness that makes it safe for others to also be this way whether men, women or children.
True equality or equivalence comes from recognising that each of us is no different under the skin whatever the gender. We were all born simply being and feeling.
Being a reflection of what we truly are; magnificent, tender, delicate, still, open, all sensing and innately wise.
Do we hold a baby in all of those qualities unreservedly so? Or do we hold a baby in our compaction, contraction and shut downness?
Give me a tender man, boy, girl, woman any day. No gender shaping. No wall. Simply all of us in our fully expressed, natural state, philosophically gender-less perhaps but physically gender full at the same time.
It is with vast appreciation that I work as a midwife and come to realise the fact that midwifery is a forever job, so beyond the confines of the recognised profession. The recognised profession however, supporting me grandly at all times, as the never drop below standard of care and attention for the women and families in my care. The quality of touch, the permission to connect fully, to ‘meet’ one another from the depths within and so so beyond the superficiality of human life, to allow the intimacy between us that is so natural and innately supportive and to maximise the rich potential of every interaction. And once experienced in any area of our life, in this case working as a midwife, it cannot but become a foundation for all areas of our lives which then by simple ripple effect changes the world. Women are spectacular, wise, delicate, strong, sassy and essential, never more or less so than men, and equally honoured and responsible walking alongside one another, we restore the harmony of the design.
When we hear the word midwife, most of us think of women who deliver and care for pregnant mums and newborn babies in hospitals or at home. For some, it could include healers who although not university trained, are experienced in supporting childbirth in their communities. In the past, these were the so-called ‘witches’ who used herbs and natural remedies in their healing arts. Looking up the definitions of midwife, the old English meaning simply defines a midwife as being ‘with women’. For some if not all of us, this version of midwifery has not been a consistent experience. Being with women who know and value their worth, inner beauty and the foundational role they play in society provides an anchor that steers us back to our true course. The nurturing and steadfast quality of these women reminds and confirms us that living responsibly is an immense joy, and harmony and truth are not lost, utopian ideals. On the flip side, being with women who have lost or compromised this true way, opens the flood gates to jealousy, gossip, insecurity and comparison between mothers, sisters, friends, and colleagues, eroding our self-worth and tearing us apart.
This huge contrast speaks to the great power and responsibility that women hold and aligns with a lesser-known definition of a midwife, as a person who ‘helps to create or develop something’. I love that this definition includes every one of us no matter what gender or age we are. As women, do we provide a nurturing foundation that develops all of our relationships, men, children and society, so that respect, decency and enrichment are the bare minimum or do we contribute to the erosion of those around us? Do we enrich and grow ourselves, our partners and children or stand by and complain about what’s wrong with society? The birth of the future of humanity is in our hands, to co-create and develop together.
As women we have the exquisite and heavenly responsibility to behold and support our men and children, upholding unwavering standards always; adoring like there is no tomorrow, cherishing in relationships, at work and with family and never letting anything ingress or interfere with this. This is the true purpose, power and magic of being women. No angst, no battle or grappling for false equality, simply embracing our true 24/7 job and adoring the responsibility of it. Every woman is a midwife in the true and fullest meaning of the word.
